


Sinking

by YourSupernaturalSammyGirl (Soojinnie)



Series: Spn Writing Challenge [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Spn Writing Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4713875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soojinnie/pseuds/YourSupernaturalSammyGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was for the August Spn Writing Challenge. Prompt was "Sink." </p><p>I hope you enjoy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sinking

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry this turned out so much darker than I intended… And to think, I was debating between Angst and Fluff. Yeesh.  
> Flashbacks are in italics within the line breaks!

_“Dean, no!” You could hear Sam crying out and you struggled harder against Lilith’s hold, desperate to try and save him._

_Lilith grinned, a smug grin that all but screamed, “I win,” her eyes flashing silvery white._

_“Sic ‘em, boy.”_

_The growl from the hellhound intensified and you could only watch, frozen in horror as Dean screamed in pain, long bloody gashes appearing on Dean’s body. You could only hear the sickening rip of cloth, flesh, skin, bone, and god knew what else. You could only scream yourself hoarse, begging for it to stop, hot tears streaming down your face as the hellhound continued shredding him apart, tearing through muscle and bone like it was nothing. He writhed and thrashed in agony, trying to get away from the damned thing, but it just kept coming, growling, blood dripping down the front of its snout as it tore into another piece of Dean. Blood pooled below his broken body, pouring from his already torn body, slowly draining his life, and ripping him away from you._

_Dean turned to you, his gorgeous green eyes, usually so luminous with life and passion, dull with his fading light. He mouthed words, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, words that you would never forget, before the light in his eyes went out, and his body was limp._  

* * *

 You screamed yourself awake, sending Sam running into your motel room, worried that something might have happened. After assuring him that it was just a nightmare, he left, leaving you to stare up at the inky black ceiling, reliving the horrors of that night

* * *

_The force that held you helpless against the wall vanished, and you sank to the floor, all the fight gone from your body. You barely registered Lilith smoking out, or Sam yelling that he would get his revenge. All you could see was Dean, his body ravaged, limp, broken in a sea of red._

_Your vision spun violently as you crawled to his side, cradling his head and rocking yourself back and forth, trying to convince yourself that there was a way to bring him back._

_“I love you Dean, I love you,” you cried into his hair, repeating the words he’d said to you with his dying breath._

_“I love you Y/N.”_

_You were sinking, and you were sinking fast. Sam was crying, watching you as you mourned the loss, unwilling to let go._

_“Y/N, we need to go. Dean…” his voice broke, emotions choking his ability to speak, wrapping around his throat like a vice. “Y/N,” Sam tried again, and you heard the unspoken words loud and clear, no matter how much you tried to ignore them._

 

He’s gone.

* * *

 You drift off into a fitful sleep, taunted by the darkness as it laughed at you, pain lashing at you from all sides, evil, mocking eyes staring you down, daring you to do something, anything. You look down at your hands and they’re covered in blood. You sink further and further into the dark abyss of pain and despair, consumed by thoughts of regret, guilt, but above all, loss. You gasp awake again, and stumble blindly into the bathroom, vision blurred by the tears that threatened to cascade down your face. You needed to feel, to feel something other than the suffocating, drowning sense of loss and guilt. You needed something, anything, that would let the pain out, that would give you a form of release. Picking up your razor, you gently run it across your arms, not pressing hard enough to let it cut you, flipping it over in your hands a few times, but never actually using it to slice open your skin.

 

You just… couldn’t.

 

He would be so disappointed, to know you had sunk so low, but it  _hurt._ All you wanted was to make the pain go away, to feel like you had some sort of control, to not feel like your world had crumbled around you, but it had, and there was nothing you could do about it. Tears slipped down your face as you cry silently, fingers gripping the razor hard as happier memories with Dean surfaced.

* * *

_You shrieked in glee, sprinting away from Dean, who had bright pink hair._

_“Y/N! Dammit!” he laughed, towel wrapped around his waist, pink droplets of water sliding down his body._

_“Revenge is pretty,” you cackled, “in PINK!”_

_“It better come off!” he yelled at you but laughed, shaking his head at your antics, already plotting his revenge._

* * *

You smiled slightly, the happier memories lifting your spirits and momentarily restoring your sanity, before reality set in, and your happiness shattered once again. You’d never get moments like those again, never be able to see the way his eyes crinkled when he grinned at you, love and adoration shining out of those green eyes you loved so much, never be able to hear his name on your lips as he made love to you, never again.

You screamed, this time in anger, letting the hurt and pain run rampant through your tired body, screaming as you mourned Dean, screaming because you didn’t know what to do anymore. You were falling, drowning, sinking, and nothing and no one could help you. Darkness threatened to swallow you whole, a world of guilt, pain, sorrow, a world of pure torment. Picking up the lamp, you send it flying viciously across the room, hitting the motel room with a resounding crash. You screamed, moving faster now, angrier, free falling and sinking into the darkness of your mind, letting it overtake you just as Sam burst in, only to see the mess you had created. Table overturned, broken glasses lying across the floor, your gear strewn all over, but most of all, you. Softly whimpering, tears slipping down your face, curled up with one of Dean’s favourite flannels, all the energy drained from your body. Sam could only watch you sink further into despair, knowing he could do nothing to help you, nothing to make the pain go away.

 

“Sammy, it hurts,” you mewl, curling tighter into yourself.

“I know Y/N, I know,” he murmured, sitting by you and pulling you into a tight hug.

 

Months pass after that night, and you refused to let yourself ever be like that again, pushing the emotions into the darkest part of your mind, locking them firmly behind your walls. You slowly sink into obsession, your desire for revenge fueling your research as you did everything and anything you could for information on Lilith or Dean, but no demon would deal with you, and no hunter knew Lilith’s location. You spent endless nights on the prowl, capturing and torturing demons into telling you all they knew about Lilith, but the information was meager, at best.

You huffed angrily, throwing down your duffle as you stripped out of your blood soaked clothes. You had just finished interrogating another demon, but  _nothing._ It was like she had just vanished. You tried desperately to stave off the feelings of helplessness, but it was just one of those nights where everything became too much.

Four months.

Four long, lonely months, and you still had next to nothing.

Sam was headed to Bobby’s, trying to see if he could dig up anything that could help Dean, or kill Lilith. You filled the motel tub with steaming hot water, and stepped into it, feeling the muscles in your body relax after a long day. Sinking under to wet your hair, you considered for a moment.

What if you just stayed under? Never came back up? What if you left this world of darkness and doom and misery behind?

You were almost convinced to do it, but your phone rang, demanding your attention.

 _“Leave it,”_ a voice in your head spoke, encouraging, stroking your thoughts on staying under.  _“Can’t be more important that the peace you so desperately crave now, can it?”_ the voice, dangerous and seductive, tempted you, persuaded you, to just sink into the dark, eternal silence, to just let go.

The phone rang again, insistent and obnoxious. You want to leave it alone, but annoyance and curiosity get the better of you. You rise with a gasp, lungs burning with the need to breathe, and reached out to answer the phone.

“Hello?” a deep gruff voice asked, a voice you never thought you’d hear again. Ever.

You froze, water sloshing around your waist.

It couldn’t be.

“Dean?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos make my day!!
> 
> Send requests and asks on my tumblr! (it's new and relatively empty so help me fill it!)
> 
> https://yoursupernaturalsammygirl.tumblr.com


End file.
